Nat Locke: You’ve probably ditched your New Year’s resolutions. Me? I’m just getting started . . . literally

So, we’re halfway through February, which I like to think is the perfect time to start thinking about New Year’s resolutions. Do you know when the worst time to think about New Year’s resolutions is? Yes, New Year. Besides, statistically, most New Year’s resolutions are abandoned on January 12 and a whopping 80 per cent are ditched by the end of January. So, by starting mine in February, I’m already beating the odds. You’ve got to be smart about it. Also, and this is quite important to me, I have to choose my resolution carefully. I’ve had the most success with very specific details. Like the year I wanted to read 50 books. I finished number 50 on New Year’s Eve. Sure, they got progressively shorter as I got closer to the deadline, and I finished with Breakfast at Tiffany’s which is a measly 176 pages. But a book’s a book, so it qualified. Another year I vowed not to eat chips (hot or otherwise) for three months. I nailed that one. So this year, my resolution is to do all the maintenance things around the house that I have been putting off. Old houses equal lots of niggling issues, and my house is a hundred and seventeen. So this year, I’m actually going to get around to sorting her out. That means the holes in my ancient lath-and-plaster ceiling are going to be repaired, which will mean I won’t have to apologise again when it’s my turn to host book club. My usual strategy is to ply everyone with so much gin that they don’t notice the holes, but it’s not particularly effective. The holes — there are two of them — developed when my ducted air-conditioning was installed. The installers were very up-front about this possibility and even gave me the name of a very good repair guy. It’s just that I never got around to calling him. My guttering is also on the list. A while back a chunk of it just fell off. It appeared to be original, so probably wasn’t working brilliantly anyway. In my defence, if my gutters overflow, the water just cascades off the bullnosed veranda anyway. But still, I appreciate that it’s something that could do with some attention. Then there’s the slightly rotting decking on the veranda. This may or not be because there has been rainwater cascading down on to it. I’m no expert. No, it’s actually a section that’s exposed to the elements and I expect I’ll put my foot through it in the coming months. So, that’s on the list too. And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that this list is getting longer and longer and I haven’t actually addressed anything yet. But you’d be wrong. Ye of little faith. I’ve already replaced all the light bulbs in my hallway (I have a LONG hallway). Then I resurrected my planter boxes and planted out a bunch of herbs and salad greens that are thriving spectacularly. Every lunch time, I skip out and harvest some rocket and cos lettuce leaves and feel so ludicrously self-satisfied that you would think I’m living a fully sustainable life. Well, I would be if all I needed to eat was lettuce leaves. I also repotted my blueberry bush into a much bigger pot, so we can all agree I’m overachieving, right? By the way, when I say “my blueberry bush” I actually mean the one I bought a few weeks ago to replace the one that died because I didn’t really water it for about five months. I’m trying harder. Of course, the more things that you fix around the house, the more problems become apparent. There’s the sash window that doesn’t stay open. Is it critical? No. But could it be fixed? Yes. Then there’s the retic that has a mind of its own. No matter how I attempt to program it, it decides when it will go on. Currently, that’s at the exact same time as I’m taking my morning shower, and it steals all the water pressure. That’s on the list too. So is all the damage my dog has done to this house. He’s chewed several doors, made the bottom of one of my curtains very grotty, dug a hole in the lawn, eaten half a gate and left filthy scratch marks by the front door. I’ve got grander ideas too. My garage is kind of half carport, in that there is a wall missing. If I can get my act together, I’d like to close that in completely and finish the inside properly and turn it into a gym. And currently, I use one of the bedrooms as a dressing room, but instead of an assortment of flat-pack hanging options jammed together with odd drawer arrangements, I’m keen to get proper built-in cabinetry. Perhaps I should have started in January after all.

Nat Locke: You’ve probably ditched your New Year’s resolutions. Me? I’m just getting started . . . literally

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