Dear Aunty: How exactly do you stay so positive?

Dear Aunty,

I’m a regular reader of your advice column and I have a question to ask: how do you stay positive, especially in such trying and worrying times? You always seem to look on the bright side of things. What’s your secret?

Yours, Curious

Dear Curious,

Ah-ha, you mean you’ve seen through One’s curmudgeonly exterior? How very dare you!

One jests. Indeed you are correct, although One can be rather quick-tempered and cantankerous from time to time — alright frequently — One also tries to find the positives in most situations and actively works to maintain a cheerful demeanour.

So the answer to your question is quite simple my dear, it’s a choice and One makes it every day.

We can all accept that moments of elation and joy are rare. They are often prompted by an event or uplifting news like a promotion, a wedding proposal, a pregnancy announcement or a lottery win (if only!).

Happiness arrives more frequently. Ideally you should enjoy some moments of happiness daily. And while happiness can sometimes arrive out of the blue -- like a compliment from a stranger or a flower delivery from a friend — you can also create moments of happiness in your own life. For instance your Aunt looks forward to veranda gins at sunset (as long as old mate Bert Saunders doesn’t waffle too much) or the occasional soak in a bubble bath after a particularly rigorous can-can session (Bert is definitely not privy to those!).

While experiencing regular moments of happiness and the occasional hit of joy can make it easier to live a contented life, being content does not require you to live in a constant state of happiness. Indeed anyone who thinks they can be permanently happy is setting themselves up for disappointment. One calls this the Disney effect and it often stems from the idea that others are somehow responsible for our happiness. You may have seen the sentiments on social media or elsewhere, this idea that “I deserve someone who is going to make me truly happy”. Sorry to burst your bubble but contentment is not dependent on someone coming to “fulfill” your life. It is your job alone.

So how do you find contentment? Learn to live in the moment. Throw away regrets, because they are of no use to anyone. Stop comparing yourself to others. Work out the difference between want and need and don’t fall into the trap of thinking material possessions will bring you happiness. Reflect on and be grateful for what you have -- your health, a career you’ve worked hard for, your family. Don’t dwell on what you don’t have. Dream and make goals but don’t focus too much on the future, it will come soon enough.

So that’s the secret to contentment. Honestly One has never understood why One didn’t get that job writing Hallmark cards. Clearly it was their loss.