Pom in Oz with Derek Goforth: Toxic relationships aren’t your fault, resist urge to be burdened by negativity

In life’s labyrinth of relationships, we all occasionally find ourselves caught in situations that leave us emotionally battered and weary. Toxic relationships — whether in marriage, friendship or the workplace — can take an insidious toll on our mental and emotional wellbeing. Yet, amid the chaos and heartache, I believe there is a valuable lesson to be learnt. It is essential not to blame yourself when you’re trapped in a toxic relationship — it’s simply vital. I can’t help but reflect on my recent journey, a turbulent period in my life that felt like a never-ending storm. A situation where it seemed as though I could do nothing right. Every task was fraught with someone hovering over my shoulder, ready to criticise and condemn. For me, it had become a pressure cooker of negativity, with accusations and blame heaped upon me for every minor hiccup. In the end, even the most innocent mistakes were transformed into monumental failures. It was as if I were constantly teetering on the edge of a precipice, waiting for the next blow to send me hurtling into an abyss of self-doubt and despair. However, here’s the important truth I’ve come to understand: it was rarely my fault. And it is rarely your fault when you find yourself in such a toxic situation. In my experience, I have seen toxicity in relationships often stems from the insecurities and unhappiness of the other party, projected on to us in an attempt to alleviate their own burdens. It’s a sad but common phenomenon, but I would urge you not to internalise others’ negativity. The journey to free myself from this was not easy, and it demanded resilience, self-reflection, and the strength to seek out a better, healthier path. In my case, that meant leaving a situation that was suffocating my spirit, faith and self-esteem. I yearned for a place where the mere act of someone putting faith or trust in me didn’t feel like an alien experience but rather a happy and empowering one. In a toxic relationship, the fault lies with the toxicity itself, not with you. Blaming yourself only continues the cycle of suffering. I feel that it’s important to recognise that your worth is not defined by the perceptions or judgments of those who seek to bring you down. It’s defined by your inherent value as a human being with unique talents, capabilities and potential. You are valuable, you are loved, you are worthwhile, and useful. Toxic relationships can disguise themselves in various forms — unhealthy friendships, stifling marriages or oppressive workplaces. It’s essential to surround ourselves with positivity and support, to seek out relationships that nurture our growth and self-esteem. It might be hard to find, but I would implore you to keep trying. Today, I find myself in a far better place, in a positive environment where trust and confidence are the norm, not the exception. My experiences have taught me it is possible to break free from the shackles of a toxic relationship and find a path towards self-empowerment and healing. Derek Goforth is an expat of 13 years and father of three living and working in Geraldton