Fuming beneath the veil

OPINION

“Stone the flamin’ crows!” Yes, I’m channelling Alf from Home and Away. It’s the more polite version of what I would really like to say about flies.

Bush flies, blowflies and march flies. They have a scheduled roster around here at present. Early morning wake-up calls are the duty of the bush flies and they don’t get much rest throughout the day. The blowflies are a bit slacker getting out of bed although I have noticed they are making an earlier start these days. Maybe the bush flies decided it was time for them to pull their weight a bit more. The march flies seem to have the freedom to just pop in for a quick bite and nick off, whenever they want.

I absolutely never thought I would be seen wearing one of those fly veils over my hat.

Hideous and stupid was my description of them. The flies have won. Every morning walk, I pull on my hat and veil and away I go. It means I can at least avoid them getting up my nose, in my eyes and ears and, worst of all, in my mouth.

They still hitch a free ride for the entire walk and the odd one still finds a way under the veil, but it gives me some relief.

I just have to remember I am wearing it when I want to blow my nose or wipe the sweat off my face.

Blowflies don’t bother me when I’m walking but they hang around the doors and windows worse than a kid trying to get in a lolly shop. They know I’m about to start cooking before I even do. By the time I actually have the food on the stove or in the oven, they have migrated through any opening possible into my kitchen.

What’s worse, if you spray them, they don’t have the manners to just drop down dead instantly.

They buzz and whirl and even land in my hair at times, which creates a whole new level of shrieking.

To spend some time in Perth and escape them is bliss. That’s why I was gobsmacked that a blowie had the gall to enter my city house.

Do you know how hard it is to actually remove one blowie without actually spraying your beautifully, just cleaned, windows? It’s damn near impossible.

Meanwhile, back home at the station, my chosen eau de cologne is Aerogard!