This International Men’s Day WA blokes are urged to call out bad gents and teach boys right from wrong

Alice McShera. Tiffany Woodley. Georgia Lyall. Emmerich Lasaker. Lynn Cannon. They are the names — and the faces — of WA’s domestic violence scourge. Alice McShera was the 34-year-old lawyer alleged killed by her partner Cameron Pearson at Crown Towers. TIffany Woodley, 35, was the mother-of-three, found with injuries police described as “horrific and confronting”, allegedly killed by her ex-partner Peter Damjanovic. Georgia Lyall, 32, was shot in the head by her ex-partner Luke Noormets, who took his own life, leaving their five-year-old son an orphan. Emmerich Lasaker, 35, was murdered by her partner Steven Dean while the couple’s two children were at home. One of the children had to call triple zero. Lynn Cannon had just celebrated her 51st birthday when her estranged husband Paul Cannon stabbed her to death, having learned of her new relationship. The women’s faces, names and life circumstances were all different. The one thing they all have in common was the worst thing that ever happened to them: they were all were murdered or allegedly murdered by a partner or former partner. There is no single solution to WA’s domestic violence crisis, which has its roots in the toxic masculinity epitomised by misogynistic former internet celebrity Andrew Tate - who is facing human trafficking and rape charges in Romania. Toxic masculinity also makes suicide a top killer of men under 50. But the one thing on which all experts agree is that the solution must involve men. On International Men’s Day, with the number of family violence offences in WA up 15 per cent for the first nine months of the year, The Sunday Times asked half a dozen WA men — some with a profile, some who do good work behind the scenes, all with an interest in stopping violence against women — to consider this question: What can men do to stop other men attacking and killing women, and how much is toxic masculinity a factor in domestic violence? MIKE DYSON GOOD BLOKES The heart of the issue is that while most men say that they care about men’s wellbeing and most men say that they want women and children to feel safe from men’s violence… but most men aren’t actually doing much about it. Our actions aren’t aligned with our values and we don’t have a culture where we as men are holding each other to account. We talk about mateship a lot in this country. It’s a core value for many of us. But do we have the quality of mateship where we are reminding our mates to go to the doctor? Do we have the quality of mateship where we are saying “mate, she didn’t think that was funny”? The most pernicious part of masculinity culture is the reluctance to seek help, to rely on others and to lean into the kind of vulnerability that creates strong relationships. This “lone wolf syndrome” weakens mateship and underpins the lack of accountability in our culture. If we as men want to live in communities where men are supported through mental health struggles and women are valued, celebrated and safe, then we need to take responsibility for the quality of mateship in our families, workplaces and communities. We as men, need to find the courage to lean into honest conversations with other men and boys about the culture we want to create and how we can hold each other accountable to that vision. Nobody can do this for us. We as men, need to act… together… now. HARRY FOLEY MAN UP Each and every man is capable of playing a part in ending gendered violence by standing up and calling out their mates on inappropriate behaviour. With a simple conversation, the precursors to family violence can be addressed and rejected, setting a standard of respect and accountability. Toxic masculinity is underpinned by a culture of acceptance, intensifying in environments where early warning signs and harmful behaviours are dismissed with the attitude of “boys will be boys”. This notion allows the development of abusive traits to go unchecked, camouflaged amongst a suite of traditional hyper-masculine practices that may eventually feel like the only acceptable choice for many men. Having spoken with over 7000 young men across WA, we’ve seen the impact that a single conversation can have. Fostering honest and vulnerable discourse that encourages self-reflection and development is a powerful tool that has enormous potential to erase gendered violence. GLENN SMITH REALITY TV STAR Most men have witnessed or been party to toxic masculinity. Moments where “The Boys” get together down at the pub, at the local sporting club or in the workplace and crack sexist jokes or objectify women. Even though some might see this as innocuous, or just a bit of banter, it’s this sort of culture that drives violence. Because at the heart of this behaviour is a disrespect for women. We as men need to challenge and reject this behaviour in our own friendship groups, sporting clubs and workplaces. We need to call out toxic male culture in all these settings, because it’s not a joke or locker room banter – it’s violent. For far too long the focus has been on women needing to protect themselves or leave violent situations. Instead, men need to be held accountable for their actions. If you know someone who is engaging in violent behaviour, don’t condone or ignore it. We can change how other men act if we are strong enough to speak up. BRUCE ROBINSON THE FATHERING PROJECT What would you say if I told you that men are the most powerful agents to reduce domestic violence. I estimate, based on published data, that this reduction could be up to 80 per cent. Am I dreaming? Boys’ attitudes to girls/women are learnt very young “at their fathers feet” so the answer is to get to boys when they are young and embed feelings of respect for girls/women. Dads must show boys to only ever show respect for women by their actions and words. We teach men what this looks like. This includes fathers who are separated from the boy’s mother. It also includes not ‘just shrugging shoulders and saying “boys will be boys” when their sons disrespect their sisters or mother, but. saying “That is not acceptable. Never. Go and apologise to them.” Inviting sisters/mother to explain their feelings is also a powerful way for sons to develop empathy. Fathers are also powerful in encouraging daughters to always ‘expect respect’. No boy grows up wanting to be a lonely jerk. The published psychological causes of toxic behaviour include excessive insecurity, low self worth, fear of emotional vulnerability/weakness and feeling devalued/threatened by disagreement, leading to a need to control and react. Dads and other father figures have a powerful role in preventing this by giving their sons a deep sense of sense of worth and healthy resilience. GREG HIRE EX-WILDCAT YOUTH FOCUS It’s difficult to answer this question “what can men do to stop other men attacking and killing women?” because at first glance I initially think we may be unaware of the current situation/plight of individuals. But is that the attitude of “keeping your head in the sand”. I genuinely believe that a large portion of the population are stuck in the rigid general norms that ultimately encourage aggression and control and discouraging emotional vulnerability significantly contributing to domestic violence. Addressing the root causes involves dismantling these harmful stereotypes and promoting emotional intelligence, communication, and cooperation. Empowering men to redefine masculinity based on mutual respect and equality is key to fostering a society where violence against women is actively discouraged and prevented. We have to live in an era where we dive into a journey of self-education, immersing ourselves in the nuances of healthy relationships, the vital concept of consent, and the stark reality of domestic violence. We need to engage with our peers in fervent conversations about dismantling gender inequalities in every facet of life, infusing our social and professional spheres with the power of respect. Lastly, on that question “what can men do to stop other men attacking and killing women?”, it’s about accountability. Accountability is the game-changer (no pun intended) in reshaping attitudes and behaviours. To foster change, start by engaging with your peers in open, honest conversations about the impact of sexist remarks and behaviours. Be real about why these things matter and how they contribute to a harmful culture. Challenge each other to break the cycle. When you witness a friend making a sexist comment or displaying disrespectful behaviour, don’t stay silent. Share your perspective and encourage others to do the same. Just like we are so passionately opinionated on societal issues such as the Voice or the current world climate, we need to hold that same energy and passion to this societal issue which is not improving. SIMON TROTT, RIO TINTO’S IRON ORE CEO The number of people affected by family and domestic violence in this country is both shocking and confronting. It’s critical that all of us choose to be part of the solution and men have an integral role to play to contribute to the prevention of these harmful behaviours. This includes speaking up and holding each other accountable through addressing attitudes and behaviours that excuse disrespect. As a major employer, we feel we also have an important role to play in creating a respectful culture when it comes to preventing violence against women in the community. For me, that starts with creating safe, caring, and respectful workplaces. Just this week we held our third annual Stop for Respect where we paused Rio’s entire WA Iron Ore operations to discuss ways to create a safer, more inclusive environment for everyone at work. This includes the importance of being an upstander and not a bystander when it comes to calling out disrespectful and harmful behaviours. Lifeline 13 11 14 Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 Men’sLine Australia 1300 78 99 78 1800RESPECT