Dad Life with Josh Zimmerman: the only thing worse than being the non-preferred parent is being the favourite

I’m beginning to suspect my daughter has a favourite. And it’s definitely not Dad. In the race for our daughter’s affections, I’m reasonably confident I was keeping pace with my wife for the first seven or so months of her post-womb existence. Cleo can be a tough customer to please but the smiles to this point have been fairly evenly distributed. At least between Jade and myself. Harley, the cat, remains the runaway winner on that count. But that has all changed over the course of the past week, during which Jade has emerged as the clear preference. The app Jade and I consult every time Cleo has a sudden mood swing that can’t be explained by either a new tooth or a particularly stubborn bowel movement tells me she is now realising she is, in fact, a separate entity from her Mum. This apparently has come as quite the unwelcome shock. It’s difficult to imagine why, but hey — that’s babies. (Don’t get me wrong, Jade is great. I like her at least as much as the next person. But seriously Cleo: get a grip.) There are both upsides and downsides to this recent turn of events. Let’s start with the negatives. Frankly, it’s quite depressing for your child to spontaneously start bawling in your arms whenever Mum leaves her line of sight. Even reliable old tactics such as peek-a-boo, the Groovicorn book (seriously, this thing has been a godsend) and allowing Cleo to suck on the TV remote have been rendered useless. Only two things work: a swift return to the same immediate vicinity as her mother or a carefully supervised patting session with the cat. Neither are particularly amenable to this new reality, but it is far easier to trap Mum than Harley. Fetching Cleo from her cot when she wakes up in the middle of the night now fills me with a sense of dread. Not only does she respond like the bogeyman has just walked into her room, if Jade decides to nip into the bathroom to pee before feeding I’m left to contemplate my life choices while clutching a wailing banshee three inches from my ear at 2am. Rubbing further salt into the wound is this scene is almost always accompanied by Harley fixing me with a disappointed glare — “Not even your own daughter likes you?” — as she slinks out of her warm bed in search of solitude in a quieter corner of the house. On the other hand, it could be worse. I could be Jade. After nine months of carrying a baby around non-stop inside her, she now has a considerably heavier and more demanding baby permanently attached to her hip (or nipple). Her reliable old tricks — namely palming off Cleo to Dad as soon as he gets home from work — are out the door, too. While I retain bath time duties, Jade now has to hover over my shoulder like an even-less-thrilled-to-be-there Moaning Myrtle. Ditto when it comes to solids — if Mum’s not holding the spoon there is going to be hell to pay. And there’s little point in me trying to change Cleo’s nappy at night because she works herself up so much it’s difficult to get her to settle back down to sleep quickly. Best to let Mum handle that while Dad attempts to regain his hearing tucked back in bed with head wedged firmly under pillow. Obviously we are both praying for a quick return to regularly scheduled programming. Although one of us may just be praying harder than the other. Jade’s tips from the trenches + Toy Libraries are a fantastic way to rotate your baby’s toy collection without the clutter, expense and environmental impact of purchasing them. + The Wonder Weeks app is a handy tool to learn about your baby’s developmental milestones and when to expect they’ll impact their sleep and temperament. + If you’re looking to try a new and different outing with your family or parents’ group, Perth Mums Group (Perthmumsgroup.com.au) regularly updates a detailed calendar of upcoming children’s events in the area.

Dad Life with Josh Zimmerman: the only thing worse than being the non-preferred parent is being the favourite

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